H.G. Rodgers: Aspiring Author and Triple-Threat

As of about one or two months ago, my entire future was revealed to me. It was one of those revelations where you knew everything already but it suddenly all snapped together in sharp relief. I knew all in one moment exactly what the plan for my life was and it brought many things into perspective. I had just gotten out of the shower at the time when the epiphany struck and I started to breathe heavily and began pacing back and forth quite quickly as the onslaught of successive revelations came to me. I began talking with God immediately — something which is always so simple because I never really stop talking to him, he is always there and he is that constant voice that mulls things over with you when your feeling sensible — and it took me half an hour at least to leave the bathroom. I couldn’t stop pacing and went outside into the cool breeze to do so.

However, there is a price when it comes to this sort of heady self-awareness. You suddenly realise that your entire life is a battlefield. You realise that at any moment, an angel could be fighting demon over your mind. That you have never been alone and that everything you have ever done is actively shaping your psyche. I found that things I had done, experiences I have had, and the mind I have as a result, all line up directly with parts of my future and have been preparing me to fulfil this destiny. God certainly takes care of me and I can see the risky situations (one in particular) he had to put me in to prepare me but that will ultimately make me ready. Of course, I am only too happy to take the risks and can’t wait for God to use me (even though that sounds like God is a manipulative dictator, but it is because I love him and ultimately he knows what’s best).

The worst part about knowing your future is the fear. This fear first comes after the initial bewildering shock and kind of elation that you get from having such a gravitational revelation. I said that you realise you are never alone and that your very soul is war-torn from spiritual battle, but it is then that you understand this will be even more true now that you are a present danger to the devils plans. If you know you are going to impact the world for good, how can you not assume that every other spiritual power knows this fact too. How can you not assume that you’d be the last to hear it and even if you weren’t, the second the plan passed from that world to this that it would be immediately known to all parties. I was like a dormant volcano that just spewed to life. However, I knew in that moment that God wouldn’t allow me to be hurt. But it is hard living with the truth that every time I stray from the ultimate goal it could be a trick to slow me down. All I can do is push it back into the recesses of my mind where God can take it and do whatever it is he does with troublesome thoughts (soaks them in peace?). I just can’t help but wonder what the devil will try to do to me now and especially later in life. Can I doubt that he will try to kill me? Or maybe he will just try to pervert me into being his minion (p.s. this is actually a revelation I am having this second: my position and power will constitute a primary plan of perversion to a dark will and then a secondary plan of murder — scary right?). Fear is of Satan though, so giving into those particular fears would be weak. God knows — and so do I — he is my only strength and I need him more than anything.

Well, that was my spiritual rave. I don’t apologise for it though. That would just be an excuse for people too afraid to except the truth of the spiritual realm around us. I feel a bit…discombobulated now.